Trump Beats Billy in Beer Sales

Ermolaev Alexander /
Ermolaev Alexander /

Businessman Seth Weathers, CEO of the Conservative Dad’s Ultra-Right Beer, struck gold with his latest idea. After seeing the public domain mugshot for President Trump’s arrest in Georgia, it was like he was struck by lightning with an idea: presidential beer. While the idea of going after Jimmy Carter’s beer-drinking brother Billy to name a brew after him was a cult classic, the beer was incredibly poor selling and failed after less than a year.

The same failure that befell Billy isn’t coming for Weathers or Trump. The fact of the matter is, Weathers knew this would be a collector’s item, unlike Billy’s producers who thought people would want to drink with the President’s brother. So far, he claims the demand has been incessant since they announced the brew’s launch, with over 5 semi-trailers filled with the mugshot-adorned cans that have left the brewery.

So far, he claims projections put the company over $2 million in sales already, and 10% of that will be headed directly to the legal defense of the Georgia Republican Party, as well as the David Shafer Legal Defense Fund. These projections are something he is incredibly proud of. Even when they had only announced half those sales, he was out front projecting their achievements for all to hear.

“Sales have poured in from the moment we launched,” Weathers said. “With over $1 million in beer and merchandise sales, we’ve raised over $50,000 for the legal defense of the Georgia Trump electors and the Georgia Republican Party. Conservative Dad’s Ultra Right Beer puts our money where our mouth is – we’re doing our part to fight back against the unjust persecution of American patriots.”

Considering the bump in Trump’s campaign funds shot up by more than $7 million after his mugshot was released, it’s not a shocker that the beer is popular. Simply put, the American people want a piece of Trump, and rightfully so. The man has been an incredibly successful businessman, and he continued the build of one of the most storied family empires in American history. While his time as President was marred by leftists who refused to accept that he beat Clinton, he still achieved success while in office.

Heading towards the 2024 Presidential election at seemingly a snail’s pace, the American people have been yearning for something else to talk about and to do with their time until election day gets closer. This beer gives the American people something else to enjoy as that time ticks down and election day draws closer.

For Weathers, this is the kind of beer that simply sells itself. While the 10% kicker back to conservative needs is nice, it’s the ambiguity of the can that can draw people in.

For the right, it’s a way to buy something and support the cause while enjoying Trump in their fridge looking right at them. Telling them that this is what their future could be with the liberals running the country. Knowing he’s being shut out in the dark, left with nothing but a salad dressing in front of him, many are eager to pull another out.

The left will not typically buy this kind of beer, instead opting for a social justice-based beer like Bud Light, or their local IPA that they claim is superior but tastes like melted slaughterhouse tractor tires. However, for the ability to buy some to stomp, run over, crush, or even blow up, they’ll gladly shell out the money. Especially on a quick passing in the store or on eBay.

A beer like this takes a lot to get up and running, but once it’s going it’s just like the Trump Train; not stopping, no matter how many roadblocks they toss up. This is the kind of beer that not only could change America, but it could make Budweiser into a job before Christmas even comes.